i can’t help but think of my

mom on this day.

this day of my birth.


they say that the antonyms of anticipation are:

ignorance, amazement, astonishment, doubt, fear, sensation, surprise, unreadiness.

but, i have the suspicion that all of these words

are true of someone waiting for new life…


what about apprehension?

is that the opposite of anticipation,

or is it actually a close companion,

like the other side of the coin.


“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”

(Anatole France)


as i sit with those who are waiting for labour,

those who are waiting for death,

waiting for deliverance.


i think of my mom,

in those weeks before my arrival,

lying in a lonely hospital bed:

with anticipation

with apprehension


the opposite of apprehension is:

calmness, confidence, certainty, faith, peace, trust, ease


but, we don’t live in a world of dichotomies,

we live in a world of tension.


we live in the space between

anticipation and apprehension


because, while we can have faith

we can also have doubt.


we can have peace

and also have worry


we can have expectation

and also have fear


we live in the tension

between anxiously awaiting


apprehensively expecting


i don’t know anyone who can

sit in this place

with perfect peace


ask anyone 5 days overdue

or someone sitting at a

hospice bedside


apprehension is

part of the gift,

and shadow,

of anticipation.


? what are you apprehensive about today…

? what changes are you longing for but also fearful of…

? how do you seek peace in the midst of this tension…

>> try to spend 5 minutes in quiet meditation

          just sit in the tension, feel it…

                    and find rest there.

bless our anxious awaiting

our apprehensive expecting.

know that our fear,

is not a lack of faith.

know that our spirits long to 

rest and to trust. 

we ask for peace

in the shadow of the


the shadow of

what is to


we wait for you. 

and we trust that new life is growing.


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