i recently took a journey…

a friendship tour

a celebration of new love in marriage

a pilgrimage

 

this journey spanned a few months…

5 provinces

a decade of friendships…

 

lots of buses,

rideshares with random strangers,

re-connections.

 

it was a chance to see ones i love,

to meet their loves,

to meet their babies,

their baby bumps.

 

it was a time of celebration,

lots of dancing…

it was a time of mourning,

for the loss of young life,

the loss of love,

of marriage.

 

there were mountain-top moments,

and late night porch

cigarettes with tears.

 

there were lonely ferry rides

and friendly greyhound interactions…

 

and through it all,

i kept asking the question…

who am i?

what am i doing here?

where should i be?

who am i?

 

and for all of my wandering,

for all the conversations,

shared wisdom and wine…

i still don’t know.

 

(do we ever know?)

 

and maybe they were the wrong questions…

           or maybe i am not quite patient.

 

but, i am still standing here,

back at the beginning,

still asking,

         still waiting.

still hoping to be transformed.

 

? what are you asking life today…

? what are you hoping for…

>>> can you rest in where you are today?

we long for clarity…

we don’t have eyes to see in the dark

we don’t have ears to hear in the silence

we don’t have minds that will simply rest.

today, we don’t ask to see, but to trust

not to hear, but to listen

not to know, but to rest.

 we trust that new life is growing