practising the practice

oh jules,

sometimes i can feel so grumpy! when the drain of social interactions mixes with tiredness and the subtle weight of being overwhelmed with the change of it all.

and i hate falling asleep grumpy. something about not letting the (gorgeous) sun(set) on your anger.

and so the chance to wake up to your hug. to your gracious words. to your wisdom.

i have started and stopped so many letters. so many words and themes that i want to explore. thank you for the gift of your words. the gift of this intention.

thank you for your fidelity and commitment to a practice. to the practices.

what is a practice?

how do we practise?

in north america (apparently) we don’t distinguish between the noun and the verb. but i think i like this distinction. i find it helpful. we practise the practices.

and practise implies failure. it means falling. and fucking up.

i really like perfection. even though i love the mess of imperfection, i expect a lot from myself.

for years, that meant i never tried. honestly, until i turned 30, i basically refused to do things that i might suck at. like running or team sports. or backcountry camping.

and the other day – i found myself playing basketball at the ymca with a bunch of guys from work. and i sucked. but that was okay. (and i am still terrified of basketballs. and that is okay too).

even if i practised, i don’t think i would ever get to be “good” at basketball. but, i would improve. i would be more confident. i might gain a subtle sense of where to position myself on the court. i might be able to make it closer to my ‘goal’ (like, the ball might actually touch the rim)…

they say, practise makes perfect.

but, maybe perfection is not the goal.

the practise is the process. the process of a practice.

and the process is messy. it has bumps, and grumps, and is not all “flow.”

an athlete may experience ‘flow’ when they have ‘perfected’ their game, an artist may experience ‘flow’ because they have honed their skills… but, it is unrealistic to expect “flow” all the time.

i think i sometimes expect “flow” all the time.

a line that has stuck with me over the years and comes to mind today:

“we have to make room for our life in process” – sabrina ward harrison

(the author of that journal i gave you… of course!)

we have to make space for practise.

for practices.

(like this one)

 

blessings on your journey,

as you practise doing this long drive!

 

with you,

ruthi

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