open the door

oh jules,

it’s funny that we never really know what we are looking for, let alone what we might find.

like when we go in search of ourselves, and find one another.

or when we set out to give, only to find ourselves receiving.

today is ash wednesday. and i find myself reading about doors – a decision to “add” something in during lent – some daily reading – some daily writing.

(along with my usual attempts to bypass sugar, for all the best and worst reasons)

and as i reflected. i found myself thinking about God as the closer of doors. this divine hand held up saying “nope” … “stop” … “don’t do that” … God as the big “no” in my life.

and, for many years, that was my experience. my perception of God.

and that “no” was also a “no” to myself.

but yesterday, we had to imagine the door of our heart. and the picture that entered was of a creaking screen door, leading to a covered porch. beyond the porch was the beautiful wild. and inside, well, it was dark but cozy. and this screen door was one of those with hinges that swings both ways. the kind that bang back and forth instead of slamming closed when someone runs out in a hurry. and, i am on the inside of that door, yelling “come on in” from somewhere far away. the door seems open, the screen lets sound and light pass through… but there is a catch. a hook latched closed, from the inside. not locked up tight. not sealed from light. but just enough protection to keep people out, while still letting air in, letting my voice out…

and i never thought that i could be a door to God. that God could be a door to me.

and i never thought of God as an open door. as an opener of doors. as the big “Yes.”

on monday, i was encouraged to say “yes” more often.

so maybe i will add that to my ash wednesday list.

 

and as you open your letters, i will keep seeking open doors.

seeking to open the door.

and who knows what we’ll find… what we’ll discover…

 

with you,

ruthi

 

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