abide (julie cairns)

“What if you are already right where you should be and doing exactly what you should be?”

What if…
I have arrived. I have become.
All that is required is my consent.
My acknowledgement.
All that is left is
to agree.
The prize is mine. The waiting over.

Would I know it?

The most amazing thing I have ever done,
I have ever made
is a child
in my body.

It exhausted me. It amazed me.
And I had very little to do with it.
As I went about the usual living of my day,
I built another human being
in totality.

It is an obscene thing to take credit for.
Creating a person.
It happened as if by accident.
Actually by accident.
More than once.

Little effort was required.
No expertise. No education.
On my part
What was demanded
was endurance.
For the long, grinding haul of incubating.
For the intense, painful process of birthing.
Endurance

My body knew what to do
and did so of its own accord.
Entirely me, without me.
The experience was wonder and awe.
The result, birth and new life.

I wonder. Is it different?
If you plan it?
If you try?
If you feel in control?
If it all goes as planned?
If it’s what you dreamed of?
Does it feel…
more…
right?

I wonder
is it different?
if it doesn’t happen?
at all?

Pregnancy happened to me,
like life happens to me.
They both feel
bigger than me
more than me
beyond me.
They both require
a great endurance
a great waiting
a great acceptance.

And what if
like being pregnant
life itself requires
very little of me?
Entirely me, without me?
Awe and wonder.
Birth and new life.

What if
all I need do

is abide?

“…the reason so many of us cannot see the red X that marks the spot is because we are standing on it…The only thing missing is our consent to be where we are.” – Barbara Brown Taylor

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