memory.

speaking of memory – i just re-read your letter. and the song that is playing is “old time mem’ry” – and i just randomly clicked a picture on my desktop and it is a google earth screenshot of my childhood home. of course.

memory.

Screen Shot 2016-03-03 at 10.38.51 PM

i haven’t seen the movie ‘lion.’ have you? from what i know, it is about someone who finds their way home across continents and family fragmentation. they remember their childhood pathways and trails and use google earth to pinpoint home. or something like that.

memory.

and just like you said – we never know what the memory will be.

when i look back over the experiences of my life – the things i remember are never the things i set out to capture.

but then again, life never unfolds like we set out – it never follows our maps.

(sorry – today my brain feels really disjointed – no ‘flow’)

on Sunday i was chatting with someone – we both went to the same bible college. and both of us had strange experiences there. and neither of us really felt like we fit there. but that experience changed our trajectory (as all experiences do)

as we were talking, the image that came to me was that of playing pool. now, i am a terrible pool player and i generally just try to make contact with the white ball and hope for the best. but when i play with skilled people, i am always impressed with their ability to plan their shot. they can look at the table and map out the angle they need to take to make the ball arrive at the right pocket. they rarely take a straight shot. they know where to aim against the bumpers, where to hit the ball, how much pressure to use. even when i do try to use angles to my advantage – it is usually just a fluke if my ball goes in – and rarely does it go in where i was hoping.

somewhere in that rambling lies a good parable.

like, my life has been more about missed shots or strange angles. it has not been calculated. it has meandered. it has gone left in order to head right.

so even this summer – i am already struggling with ‘fomo’ — thinking of all i will miss out on here… the camping trips, the series, the writing group, the concerts.

and simultaneously, i am getting nervous about all that i’ll face. knowing that this will be a memory – but not all memories are good. and even the good ones are often painful in the process.

but it’ll be an adventure!

will you keep writing me letters?

(the drowsies have kicked in, so i will say goodbye…)

with you,

ruthi

One thought on “memory.

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