breaking through

its funny how i can still miss you – even after seeing you this morning.

i love how you transform a space. love your creative intention.

and i love how you absorb and THRIVE on feedback. things that would make me shut down – open you up — they sharpen your creative process.

i learn so much from that. and somehow keep learning it. keep being reminded.

because this is a hard lesson for me. i still hate ‘conflict’ – i tend to curl inward when things prickle, when things don’t go my way or don’t flow.

but i love that today, things came together. maybe not perfectly. but pleasantly.

and today, i really didn’t want to share words. i felt like everything had already been said.i felt sick and tired and ineloquent.

partly, i didn’t want to read off a page – i wanted to speak from the heart. partly, i wasn’t sure that i knew what i wanted to say. partly, it is hard to follow such great speakers.

but, somehow, it felt important to speak anyway. to speak despite the discomfort.

to trust that the words would come, even if they weren’t the ones written. (which, oddly, they were.) to trust myself. to trust the Spirit’s words through me… to trust myself.

there was a neat buzz this morning. the space felt intimate, alive.

it is funny how much the physical space impacts the social and emotional space. how much our physical environment impacts our souls. like the influence of the seasons.

march can be a really hard month – with winter’s blanket gone and spring’s new life not yet arrived.  its like we are living in the midst of a renovation that was started but then got forgotten. we are in the midst of the decomposition – can’t quite see the growth yet.

and that is not a very comfortable place to be. not a very beautiful place to be.

but today, i saw my first crocus (at least, that is the label i have given to these early bloomers). and i was reminded, as the church bells echoed, that change is coming. the buds are popping through. spring is here. but also on its way.

hope you have/had a most lovely day!

with you,

ruthi

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