expectancy

if i was ever going to write a book,
it would be about expectations.
not because i have it figured out
but because they continue to
astound me.
confound me.

 

Christmas eve is a time of expectation.
looking forward to.
rushing towards.
trying to keep up.
struggling to get there.

 

like Advent,
it is a time of waiting,
hoping,
longing.
expecting.

 

how do we handle our expectations?

 

of ourselves,
of others,
of this season.

 

some people already expect to be
let down,
disappointed,
angry.

 

they expect that their dad will be drunk,
that the stocking will be empty,
that the fight will ensue.

 

others expect things to be perfect.
smooth.
blissful.

 

they expect that the gift will fit
that the smiles will be genuine
that the joy will be contagious.

 

sometimes we change to fit our
expectations.
change to fit what is expected of us.
play the role we’ve always filled,
follow the script.

 

and me,
i struggle with expectation.
i try to keep them low,
but still get disappointed
because, contentment is hard.
mindfulness is a challenge.
and some days even gratitude
doesn’t come easily.

 

but, the lesson i keep learning
over and over,
even though i forget once more…
is that acceptance is key.

 

being ok with what is.

 

a good friend says:
things are what they are,
we suffer because we imagined differently

 

i think this is brilliant.

 

things are what they are

 

i need to remember this.
today,
of all days.
and everyday.
things are what they are.
? today, how can you let your response go from “oh no” to “okay”
? what are you expecting – how can you let this go… 

 

>>> when things threaten to overwhelm, try to breathe and remember:
things are what they are

 

we don’t want to give up expecting
don’t want to give up hope.
we’ve been waiting with
expectancy.
anticipating this season.
this Birth.
but, as things are upon us,
we struggle.
we get lost in the moments
lost in the process.
help to ground us in the present.
help us to transcend suffering
through acceptance.
be with us in our excitement
and our disappointment.
be with us in our joy
and in our losses.
and help us to trust,
to expect,
that new life is growing.
even in this.

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